5 gennaio 2024
Dr. Daniele Nappo, Legal Representative and founder of S. Freud Private School, addresses the important topic of parenting, the most difficult job. Wrong parental attitudes can cause discomfort and emotional wounds in children at the developmental stage.
It is not nice to say it, but sometimes the cause of students' discomfort at school is related to parents' wrong attitudes. In some cases these are mistakes made inadvertently, unconsciously, but which can somehow leave deep emotional wounds in teenage boys. Parenting, it is known, is the most difficult and complicated job in the world: there is no instruction manual and missteps are often just around the corner. Mother and father should stop engaging in certain behaviors to avoid creating psychological trauma. It is undoubtedly not about being or wanting to be perfect parents. Children do not need to benefit from perfect parenting, but instead need to feel a fair amount of security and trust. Qualities that certain behaviors, on the other hand, risk undermining. The most typical ones? Yelling at your children as soon as you get home from work is wrong, as is waking them up with loud or aggressive noises or subjecting them to the "silent treatment."These are ways that are likely to affect the nervous system, triggering a perpetual state of alertness and stress. In general, parents should avoid focusing on emotional warfare to punish their children, keeping in mind that it is crucial to regulate one's emotions and not to consider them responsible for one's emotional well-being. Treating siblings differently, for example, manifesting a clear preference, is also a wrong attitude that can have repercussions on children. Important aspect: one should get used to apologizing if one has made a mistake and not think that one is not required to do so as a parent. Misbehavior by mother and father can lead to serious consequences, and although it tends to be underestimated, it is among the most common causes for adolescents to contact a psychotherapist as adults. Teens should in no way be considered vessels for unprocessed emotions and trauma from mom and dad. In fact, the latter should try to always prioritize, in all situations, the safety of their children and that they should not be treated unfairly because the world is unfair. Modality that does not actually prepare them for anything: rather, boys need to learn that they have a safe place to go and family members to rely on when they are hurting. In fact, every boy/girl needs, first and foremost, understanding, support, and respect. In essence, parents need to avoid managing their children as if they were an extension of themselves. Intimating or imposing one's own perspective without considering their needs in the long run breeds anxiety, resentment and low self-esteem. Not only that. Because much of their upbringing has been rooted in being seen and considered a mere extension of their parents, children risk growing up without a clear sense of self. It is not valid, not right to believe that children should be grateful because you nurture and care for them when that is the job of every parent.It is important to note that no one can completely protect their child from all potential sources of trauma. But actively investing in breaking the cycle of childhood trauma can significantly reduce the risk. I believe that 99.9 percent of parents do their absolute best, just as I think that most of these mistakes are made on a subconscious level. By the same token, however, this does not mean that mistakes are without consequences and that we should not strive to do better.
